Cat Ass Trophy

I may have spoken a bit exaggeratedly when I said "I made a catastrophic realization about myself" the other day. Truth is that it is not necessarily catastrophic as much as it is life changing and... good, I think? brief history/build to the punch line:

So I was standing about at work a few days back, just minding my own business, listening to some music on an expertly hidden MP3 player, when a ton of mental bricks collapsed into my figurative head. As I "alluded" to in a previous post, I have noticed a major increase of energy and drive within myself lately. I was puzzled as to "Why" but not in a position to be complaining about it, I just have been using it to the fullest. The "Bricks" as it were, was realizing exactly where the urge has been coming from....

I am now convinced that it is in my genetic make up to "Work for the Man" whether this is due to nature or nurture is still up for debate I suppose but the fact remains that I work so much better in my life when I have a "Job" sapping most of my time. It seems that it forces me to utilize the time that I have to myself to the fullest. This seems to be the most logical reason for my pep of late. however this (being mostly common sense as that was) is not the better part of my big realization, just a build up to the real one..... aaah.... suspense.

The big whopper, at least in my mind, is that I have been exploding in my personality region lately. Time for a bit more history.

I had been noticing that for the last.... I'd say, year or two, I have been increasingly decreasing in my outgoing-ness. I found myself looking at the floor every where I went, never really being a part of what ever was going on around me, just.....existing there? I had been minorly concerned but (as apathy sets in) I didn't really do anything about it. The big moment or epiphany came when I realized that I have been doing not-that in the last few weeks. Perhaps being forced to talk to strangers at my job, has re-awakened the part of me that is socially driven. For I find myself able to actually carry on real conversations with people, and I offer more than one word answers when questioned about things and (here's the big one) myself. so in short it would seem that I am emerging from the shell I have created (insert animal simile here) and seemingly it is a direct result of being a contributing member of society, it would appear that I am meant to be in the workforce. For I just am happier when I have less time to manage. It is strange that I do best filling the anti-hero position but hey, it seems to be working for me, and what works for one guy, may not work for the next one. all though I suppose it is working for most of the other 7 odd billion "regular jockoffs" in the world.

side note; no fear though, I guarantee that I am not "That guy" that loves the shit out of their job and annoys every one they work with. blaach!

the update

So the short update is that tonight, nothing happened. I got off work at 6:15. Tom got me from there and we drove to where we thought this fighter practice was, it took us about 20 minutes to find the place first off, then it took another ten to fifteen to find the way to park near it. It turns out that the only road that lead to the park where they practiced was blocked of for some lame "Christmas Light Drive" I guess that they charge people like, $3 to drive down this road all slow like and look at some Christmas lights along the way. Who comes up with this shit!?!?! any way,

That meant that we had to park at some apartment complex "Tenant only" parking lot. For fear of getting towed Tom stayed in the car and I had to climb a fence to get to the destination. After walking around the biggest playground I ever saw in person I found no one associated with the SCA. however I did find some random guy creeping about in the shadows. He informed me that he was not who I was looking for. After hoping back over the fence and re-entering the car, I contacted my contact, who called her contact, who informed us that practice was cancelled for the stupid Christmas light drive. The information would have been so helpful about two hours ago when I asked if they would be there. So I went home and found the group online and sent some guy an e-mail about trying to get with them for practice. I hope he gets back to me. I hate going through people, especially people who know nothing about what is going on. Middle men suck.

After all of this I am only wondering why the practice was cancelled and not just moved elsewhere, and why they have it so late in the day? oh well. hopefully I will get this taken care of soon.

new job/new direction/new resolve

It is about midnight as I start to write this. Which is not bad inherently except that I aught to be asleep in preparation for work tomorrow. I am now gainfully employed by The Home Depot (much to Tom's relief) which is a decent place to work, except that they do not offer any employee discount WTF?! any way, about three week in and it is going pretty well. The major drawback being that I have to be a cashier. The main problem with that is that I hate having to act friendly to total strangers. Mostly I hate investing time in people that I will never see again, as harsh as that sounds. But strangely I am good at pretending to care about what these people are actually saying to me, perhaps my upbringing was not a total loss?

I have noticed however, now that I have a job I am more motivated to pursue other endeavors outside of work, more commonly referred to as "hobbies" some of these include but are not limited to; Reading, writing, working on music, meditating, fighting, running, parkour and more. I have also noticed an increase in energy, which is quite exciting in my own little mind.

Also right now as I type this out I am watching SCA instructional videos, and other various sword fighting tutorials on account of my being rejuvenated in one of my true loves.

When I moved away from Utah in May, my biggest fear was that I would not find any where to keep up my fighting techniques, but now that I have settled in Texas for what seems like a while, I have done some research into local SCA groups. I am going to be meeting with the group here in San Angelo on Tuesday and am really excited. I am hoping that I will get to fight hard suit for the first time since late June. I will no doubt be posting Tuesday night on how that turns out. In preparation for that I have been re-amping my suit and brushing up my techniques as best I can alone, with any luck I will have the rust knocked off by some strangers.

And lately, in doing all of this I have been getting more in shape physically and mentally, I have been trying to keep up on at least running which until recently I was a bit lax, I have been running and working out on a somewhat regular basis now that I have found a place to do it. On top of that I have not smoked since the first of the month, I have been taking my vitamins regularly. Which might also be helping with the energy boost lately. But the big thing that I am happy for is that I have been successfully meditating every day, and at least attempting to keep my mind in check, and I am hoping to continue this for a long time. To a healthy future.