This is what we have come to

So yes, it has been a while since I last posted, so to the maybe four people that will read this; I beg your forgiveness. Here is a brief snapshot of me today,

I am typing this up in a newly cleaned bedroom, albeit not completely done but after about three days work, consider the surface to be scratched. During this process I have been watching videos on YouTube from the channel Ted Talks. Basically every year there is a meeting of the minds where tons of people gather and share ideas and information. They film these talks and put them up for the world to see. It is truly eye opening and stimulating and free to watch for anyone. There are hundreds of videos on varying topics if you are interested in learning about anything start here: Ted Talks

In the world of employment I am still rockin' a mediocre job of cashiering at the home depot, honestly not the most fulfilling job on the grounds of most capitalist criterion but it does give me the necessary social interaction, also it gives me access to human observation, which I have lately been more interested in.

Since my move to Texas I have been gathering an interest in many things that I kinda knew about but never really "got into." things like Science, Evolution, Nature, Sociology, Biology, Astronomy, Cosmology, and myriad other things in that vein. I have to sit one of my friends here, Sam Fairchild is someone I met shortly after moving to San Angelo that is interested in similar things. We since have formed a symbiotic relationship that, I think, has rocketed our inquisitions and intelligence about the world around us. We have plans to co-write a blog about our evolutionary findings in one particular patch of earth but there will be more on that development later.

All in all I have been getting a better understanding and appreciation for the world and the universe around me, and my place in it all. In all things are quite well in my corner and have come to the realization that I really owe it to the whole of humanity to write about myself and my feelings and findings etc, Since i am pretty sure i know a few secrets about happiness, success, the natural order of things. And it would be down right irresponsible of me not to share these gems of wisdom and understanding with whoever I can so, in short, look forward to more writings that you probably aught to worship for years to come.

What I learned in 2009.

well, another year has passed. And that means that yet again I look back on the previous year. And I do so with something that has become a bit of a tradition for me. A listing of some things (that I can remember) that I learned in 2009. So here it is:

1 Every one will lie to you eventually, to get what they want

2 I Like having a solid base below me

3 I really freaking love milk

4 Getting addicted to a routine is just as bad as getting addicted to not a routine

5 Lists are good

6 "Lost" = addiction

7 How to drive a U-haul in Manhattan during rush hour

8 I have had some of the weirdest dreams I know about

9 If they don't have what you want, they might have what you need.

10 Even sneakers get microchips these days

11 I Am getting old enough to think certain new things are "Unnatural"

12 Douglas Addams was perhaps the smartest man ever on this planet.

13 I can survive on only one meal a day

14 my wallet sure can

15 It is never too late to chase a dream..... Again

16 "Children of Men" is an act of pure cinematic genius

17 I like to surround my self with "High and Mighty" intelligent types

18 I push myself by setting myself up to fail

19 I cry at the most random moments because of music

20 That kinda bugs me

21 Sampling

22 Nothing is a sure bet

23 Living in NY is not as bad as it is made out to be

24 I truly do love hard suit fighting

25 All rap is not bad

26 Even in the darkest places there are little pockets of amazing people

27 there is a magnetic force that causes like minded people to get together

28 God does in fact not exist

29 There is a big difference between dirty and filthy

30 I'm a decent visual artist

31 I get sick of things really quickly

32 No matter how much time I take off from playing my music, I still love it when I go back

33 Blood is thicker than water

34 eating Oreos without milk makes me feel filthy

35 I hate talking to people

36 I am driven by social interaction

37 I am changing to often to ever be portrayed in black or white

38 30 Miles Per Hour!?!?!? Really?!?!?! that could take an eye out.

39 Video games are very fun

40 Fun things seem to be quite time consuming

41 Some people are not happy unless everyone around them is under there control

42 They make for angry people

43 Nothing compares to bar hoping with good friends

44 being pushy and bordering on annoying really gets your music out there.

45 I am more than happy to preform great in my room by myself and choke live.

46 After all I write for me

47 right?

48 Legally speaking, people only care about a song if it has lyrics

49 I feel like I will never be happy with what I hear on the radio

50 Music was meant to be heard live.

51 Bad live music is way more bearable than bad recorded music.

52 I am dishonest

53 I always tell the truth

54 Francis bacon's "Pope Innocent X" must be seen in person.

55 People need to express themselves, or bad things happen

56 Parenting is a privilege, not a right

57 How to drive from San Angelo to San Antonio

58 I still don't read enough

59 family is boss

60 I truly enjoy drinking alcohol

61 I hold myself back to often

62 I suck at chatting up ladies

63 I really don't take life serious enough

64 People take themselves to serious

65 Those people don't like me much

66 I like messing with people when they don't know i am messing with them

67 It is never too late to have the carpet pulled out from under you

68 If you do not learn something new every day you should die right now

69 Sex jokes will never stop being funny

70 "Hair of the dog" works

71 No, I'm not an alcoholic

72 I promise

73 I often talk out of my ass to see if anyone calls me on it.

74 Rarely does any one call me on it

75 Things i used to hate, i rather enjoy now

76 Sometimes you need to give things second chances.

77 Except "The White Stripes" I will ALWAYS hate them

78 only a Sith deals in absolutes

79 Anthony Dugo should open a breakfast restaurant

80 I would eat there every day, till the money ran out

81 It may be true, what people have been telling me all these years and I denied

82 My parents did not raise a quitter

83 I function so much better if I have a job

84 Ghetto soundproofing is more fun than functional

8-5 Sashito means more to me than she knows

86 I'm not good commitment

87 I love drawing

88 Howard Stern is pretty epoch

89 The average human farts 30 times a day

90 People really are the same every where you go

91 Some people will stick with me for the rest of my life

92 True friends will do allot for you

93 That tonights gonna be a good night

94 To check which power supply you plug in to the hard drive, before you turn it on.

95 I think I am a socialist

96 Racism will not die until we all breed into one dark brownish red race

97 I am happy with the world around me

98 Keeping a daily journal of things I learned each day, is both gratifying and helpful

99 I like building people up and then disappointing them, or leaving them wanting more..

Cat Ass Trophy

I may have spoken a bit exaggeratedly when I said "I made a catastrophic realization about myself" the other day. Truth is that it is not necessarily catastrophic as much as it is life changing and... good, I think? brief history/build to the punch line:

So I was standing about at work a few days back, just minding my own business, listening to some music on an expertly hidden MP3 player, when a ton of mental bricks collapsed into my figurative head. As I "alluded" to in a previous post, I have noticed a major increase of energy and drive within myself lately. I was puzzled as to "Why" but not in a position to be complaining about it, I just have been using it to the fullest. The "Bricks" as it were, was realizing exactly where the urge has been coming from....

I am now convinced that it is in my genetic make up to "Work for the Man" whether this is due to nature or nurture is still up for debate I suppose but the fact remains that I work so much better in my life when I have a "Job" sapping most of my time. It seems that it forces me to utilize the time that I have to myself to the fullest. This seems to be the most logical reason for my pep of late. however this (being mostly common sense as that was) is not the better part of my big realization, just a build up to the real one..... aaah.... suspense.

The big whopper, at least in my mind, is that I have been exploding in my personality region lately. Time for a bit more history.

I had been noticing that for the last.... I'd say, year or two, I have been increasingly decreasing in my outgoing-ness. I found myself looking at the floor every where I went, never really being a part of what ever was going on around me, just.....existing there? I had been minorly concerned but (as apathy sets in) I didn't really do anything about it. The big moment or epiphany came when I realized that I have been doing not-that in the last few weeks. Perhaps being forced to talk to strangers at my job, has re-awakened the part of me that is socially driven. For I find myself able to actually carry on real conversations with people, and I offer more than one word answers when questioned about things and (here's the big one) myself. so in short it would seem that I am emerging from the shell I have created (insert animal simile here) and seemingly it is a direct result of being a contributing member of society, it would appear that I am meant to be in the workforce. For I just am happier when I have less time to manage. It is strange that I do best filling the anti-hero position but hey, it seems to be working for me, and what works for one guy, may not work for the next one. all though I suppose it is working for most of the other 7 odd billion "regular jockoffs" in the world.

side note; no fear though, I guarantee that I am not "That guy" that loves the shit out of their job and annoys every one they work with. blaach!

the update

So the short update is that tonight, nothing happened. I got off work at 6:15. Tom got me from there and we drove to where we thought this fighter practice was, it took us about 20 minutes to find the place first off, then it took another ten to fifteen to find the way to park near it. It turns out that the only road that lead to the park where they practiced was blocked of for some lame "Christmas Light Drive" I guess that they charge people like, $3 to drive down this road all slow like and look at some Christmas lights along the way. Who comes up with this shit!?!?! any way,

That meant that we had to park at some apartment complex "Tenant only" parking lot. For fear of getting towed Tom stayed in the car and I had to climb a fence to get to the destination. After walking around the biggest playground I ever saw in person I found no one associated with the SCA. however I did find some random guy creeping about in the shadows. He informed me that he was not who I was looking for. After hoping back over the fence and re-entering the car, I contacted my contact, who called her contact, who informed us that practice was cancelled for the stupid Christmas light drive. The information would have been so helpful about two hours ago when I asked if they would be there. So I went home and found the group online and sent some guy an e-mail about trying to get with them for practice. I hope he gets back to me. I hate going through people, especially people who know nothing about what is going on. Middle men suck.

After all of this I am only wondering why the practice was cancelled and not just moved elsewhere, and why they have it so late in the day? oh well. hopefully I will get this taken care of soon.

new job/new direction/new resolve

It is about midnight as I start to write this. Which is not bad inherently except that I aught to be asleep in preparation for work tomorrow. I am now gainfully employed by The Home Depot (much to Tom's relief) which is a decent place to work, except that they do not offer any employee discount WTF?! any way, about three week in and it is going pretty well. The major drawback being that I have to be a cashier. The main problem with that is that I hate having to act friendly to total strangers. Mostly I hate investing time in people that I will never see again, as harsh as that sounds. But strangely I am good at pretending to care about what these people are actually saying to me, perhaps my upbringing was not a total loss?

I have noticed however, now that I have a job I am more motivated to pursue other endeavors outside of work, more commonly referred to as "hobbies" some of these include but are not limited to; Reading, writing, working on music, meditating, fighting, running, parkour and more. I have also noticed an increase in energy, which is quite exciting in my own little mind.

Also right now as I type this out I am watching SCA instructional videos, and other various sword fighting tutorials on account of my being rejuvenated in one of my true loves.

When I moved away from Utah in May, my biggest fear was that I would not find any where to keep up my fighting techniques, but now that I have settled in Texas for what seems like a while, I have done some research into local SCA groups. I am going to be meeting with the group here in San Angelo on Tuesday and am really excited. I am hoping that I will get to fight hard suit for the first time since late June. I will no doubt be posting Tuesday night on how that turns out. In preparation for that I have been re-amping my suit and brushing up my techniques as best I can alone, with any luck I will have the rust knocked off by some strangers.

And lately, in doing all of this I have been getting more in shape physically and mentally, I have been trying to keep up on at least running which until recently I was a bit lax, I have been running and working out on a somewhat regular basis now that I have found a place to do it. On top of that I have not smoked since the first of the month, I have been taking my vitamins regularly. Which might also be helping with the energy boost lately. But the big thing that I am happy for is that I have been successfully meditating every day, and at least attempting to keep my mind in check, and I am hoping to continue this for a long time. To a healthy future.

Breaking off the rust

So it has been a little over a week since my first "Gig" in San Angelo. If I use the word "Gig" really liberally that is. I decided that it would be a good idea to do the Open Mic Night at a bar here. All together I suppose it was not a terrible idea.... in theory. I guess it went ok, but here is a short list of things that I thought went poorly, again, using the word "Short" liberally....
First off, it marked the first time that i went in front off a crowd to preform my own music in almost...well..., 8 months I believe. Which in it self is not to hard of a concept but for the following point;
I hadn't really practiced my own material on a real schedule, or in a fashion by which I could call "Practicing" until about 3 to 4 days previous to said show.
And another thing that spelled catastrophe for this show was that I also thought it would be good to try and learn some new songs the day before preforming them.
I have to take a side point here for a moment if you don't mind. I used to play open mic every week in Utah. The crowd there knew me and was used to my shenanigans if you will. and I had on many occasions learned songs the day before or even the night of a performance there which didn't really ever prove to be to big of a deal. The difference for this most recent show being the following:
This was a new crowd, at a new place. I had no idea how my music would effect them or how it would go over. One thing you should always do for your first show in a new place is to be solid as a rock (God, how I hate that expression!) otherwise it all goes to crap pretty quickly.
And the most important detail, I was the first to go on. If you ever have a choice at an open mic event; NEVER GO FIRST. Even second is better because if the first person is crap you always know you can't do that bad, and if they were great then the crowd will be all warmed up. Cold crowds are NEVER responsive. The problem with this night was that I had no choice when I would play. Because I was in fact the only person preforming. That's right, I was to open it and shut it down in one fell swoop.

Now that I have set up the night I will give a brief lineup of how it went in reality. (and if your expecting this to be an underdog story where I over came the odds and became the hero, being carried off to late parties with scantily clad women throwing themselves at me... SPOILER ALERT!!! not going to happen, although that image is quite entertaining.... *sigh)

Ok so I went into the den with about a 35 minute set. I figured I would judge the crowd and decide if I should draw it out or chop it down. I had an even split of covers (most of which I had just learned) and originals (3 of which I had written the previous night) I started off with a cover "Glycerin" by Bush. The standard cover song of any Joe who has a guitar and intends to use said instrument for the singular purpose of lady-ing. As much as it compares to the commonness of "Stairway to heaven" I do like starting off with a stereotype as a precursor to my own material, it kinda throws people off, and is good gage of the crowd. I didn't do to bad and figured the night would go well enough. I then played one of my own, a newer song that I hadn't locked in. This was the pivotal moment in the show as I forgot the lyrics to my own song..... I'll let that one sink in for a second......... ugh...
So from there it went slowly down hill and I decided to chop the set in half, and to rush the songs that I did know. The whole thing began to play out like I was watching a car cash, the whole time wanting to stop it from happening, but it was like slow motion wreckage and there was nothing to be done that would change a thing. Like a car wreck, but less fun for bystanders. This show marks the only time in my life that I wanted to get off the stage as quickly as possible. I can however take it as a learning experience. I full well plan to do it all over again next chance I get, but I do hope it goes better. Perhaps once I knock off the rust and get comfortable with myself again.

New Location

So in the torrent of life's changes I often get swept along in a direction that seems to make little or no sense, but as it usually happens with a deal of ease I go along for the ride. One such example of this is that I am now typing this blog from San Angelo Texas....... Yes, any one who has known me for an extended bit of my life is either staring slack jawed at that last sentence, or laughing at my misfortune, but do let me explain..
So I left NYC behind my with a slight shrug of sadness because, lets face it, does anyone really like living in NYC? I mean, Anyone? I hoped on the bus headed to Boston to give it a final once over before heading to completely uncharted territory (in my mind at least) I had to have one of those majestic burritos from Anna's before completely turning my back on the whole state. Really, those tasty burritos are the single saving grace of that entire city, any way from Boston I hoped on a plane and began the great relocation.
I have flown a bit in my time and I rather enjoy it to be honest. Kind of exciting zipping through the air that fast and with that much ease. Granted due to my recent addiction to "LOST" I do board plans secretly hoping to crash on a deserted island (fingers crossed) The itinerary for this trip was a pretty simple one; Boston to DC, then on to San Antonio by way of somewhere in Georgia.
The first leg was quite easy, apart from the minor headache I developed from a tooth issue (more on that later perhaps) it went on swimmingly. It was just a short hop, about an hour and a half I believe. And wonderfully the plane to which I was to transfer was going to be in the adjacent gate at the Washington DC airport, which is nice because I do hate running from one end of the airport to the other with merely seconds to spare. Granted I did have almost a full hour until my next flight but that is besides the point. So I wait and then board onto my final plane, not my final flight mind you just the last plane. I will say, as we were taking off from the airport in DC I got a wonderful view of The Pentagon and I couldn't help my self from thinking "The damage doesn't look as bad from out side"
So the plan was for the plane to go to Georgia, all the passengers would get off and new ones would re-board and then it would continue to San Antonio. I was one of the lucky 5 or six that got both legs of the plane's trip. They did give me the option to stay on the plan at the changeover, but i had to find some pain pills as my head was literally throbbing from my tooth ache. fortunately they had some extra strength Tylenol at one of those "Book Stores" ugh, I hate what passes for "books" these days. Although I will say that for some reason I always am drawn into those little shops for some reason or another. anywho
With a higher concentration of acetaminophen in my blood i re-boarded the plane for a final time and swiftly fell asleep to the random tunings of my "ZEN." I love that thing. I awoke as we were apparently descending into my destination. I also love when you sleep away a 3 plus hour flight. Especially since my favorite part of flying is the bit where you slowly stop flying. I like watching the ground come up to meet me. Even more so is I'm flying into a place I have never been before. Unfortunately there was some amazing cloud cover and I could not make out a single thing from my window. Even the clouds themselves were seamless and indiscernible from each other. It really was more like fog white out. But the captain assured us that we were making our final decent which usually means 45 minutes to half an hour and your on the tarmac. I was a bit saddened by this. I would miss my favorite part.
A few time i was convinced that we had actually touched down as the plane preformed maneuvers similar to "right before landing" But then as I had given up hope of seeing anything, the clouds broke. I caught a glimpse of green. Green?! Good, the rumours were wrong. Then we shot back into the clouds for a bit as if the pilot changed his mind. This repeated a few times before finally brushing the white off completely and coming in for real. We were already quite close to the ground so I missed out on my favorite plane game "Squish all of humanity with your fingers!" and much to my distress, the young boy behind me kept kicking my seat and matter-of-factly informing his parents that "we are definitely crashing." We did not in fact crash though. At least not in the flaming wreckage and death way. We did "Land" quite hard and at a rate that would have killed most naked living things but that becomes a semantic debate that I'm not about to get into.
The moral of this story being that I am now living in Texas. And the outlook is not as bleak as you might expect. The rumours are in fact not true, desolation is not the only thing that is "Big" in Texas, and Tylenol Extra Strength Quick Dissolving Gel Caps are not filled with gel, and the do not work in the slightest.