Cat Ass Trophy

I may have spoken a bit exaggeratedly when I said "I made a catastrophic realization about myself" the other day. Truth is that it is not necessarily catastrophic as much as it is life changing and... good, I think? brief history/build to the punch line:

So I was standing about at work a few days back, just minding my own business, listening to some music on an expertly hidden MP3 player, when a ton of mental bricks collapsed into my figurative head. As I "alluded" to in a previous post, I have noticed a major increase of energy and drive within myself lately. I was puzzled as to "Why" but not in a position to be complaining about it, I just have been using it to the fullest. The "Bricks" as it were, was realizing exactly where the urge has been coming from....

I am now convinced that it is in my genetic make up to "Work for the Man" whether this is due to nature or nurture is still up for debate I suppose but the fact remains that I work so much better in my life when I have a "Job" sapping most of my time. It seems that it forces me to utilize the time that I have to myself to the fullest. This seems to be the most logical reason for my pep of late. however this (being mostly common sense as that was) is not the better part of my big realization, just a build up to the real one..... aaah.... suspense.

The big whopper, at least in my mind, is that I have been exploding in my personality region lately. Time for a bit more history.

I had been noticing that for the last.... I'd say, year or two, I have been increasingly decreasing in my outgoing-ness. I found myself looking at the floor every where I went, never really being a part of what ever was going on around me, just.....existing there? I had been minorly concerned but (as apathy sets in) I didn't really do anything about it. The big moment or epiphany came when I realized that I have been doing not-that in the last few weeks. Perhaps being forced to talk to strangers at my job, has re-awakened the part of me that is socially driven. For I find myself able to actually carry on real conversations with people, and I offer more than one word answers when questioned about things and (here's the big one) myself. so in short it would seem that I am emerging from the shell I have created (insert animal simile here) and seemingly it is a direct result of being a contributing member of society, it would appear that I am meant to be in the workforce. For I just am happier when I have less time to manage. It is strange that I do best filling the anti-hero position but hey, it seems to be working for me, and what works for one guy, may not work for the next one. all though I suppose it is working for most of the other 7 odd billion "regular jockoffs" in the world.

side note; no fear though, I guarantee that I am not "That guy" that loves the shit out of their job and annoys every one they work with. blaach!

the update

So the short update is that tonight, nothing happened. I got off work at 6:15. Tom got me from there and we drove to where we thought this fighter practice was, it took us about 20 minutes to find the place first off, then it took another ten to fifteen to find the way to park near it. It turns out that the only road that lead to the park where they practiced was blocked of for some lame "Christmas Light Drive" I guess that they charge people like, $3 to drive down this road all slow like and look at some Christmas lights along the way. Who comes up with this shit!?!?! any way,

That meant that we had to park at some apartment complex "Tenant only" parking lot. For fear of getting towed Tom stayed in the car and I had to climb a fence to get to the destination. After walking around the biggest playground I ever saw in person I found no one associated with the SCA. however I did find some random guy creeping about in the shadows. He informed me that he was not who I was looking for. After hoping back over the fence and re-entering the car, I contacted my contact, who called her contact, who informed us that practice was cancelled for the stupid Christmas light drive. The information would have been so helpful about two hours ago when I asked if they would be there. So I went home and found the group online and sent some guy an e-mail about trying to get with them for practice. I hope he gets back to me. I hate going through people, especially people who know nothing about what is going on. Middle men suck.

After all of this I am only wondering why the practice was cancelled and not just moved elsewhere, and why they have it so late in the day? oh well. hopefully I will get this taken care of soon.

new job/new direction/new resolve

It is about midnight as I start to write this. Which is not bad inherently except that I aught to be asleep in preparation for work tomorrow. I am now gainfully employed by The Home Depot (much to Tom's relief) which is a decent place to work, except that they do not offer any employee discount WTF?! any way, about three week in and it is going pretty well. The major drawback being that I have to be a cashier. The main problem with that is that I hate having to act friendly to total strangers. Mostly I hate investing time in people that I will never see again, as harsh as that sounds. But strangely I am good at pretending to care about what these people are actually saying to me, perhaps my upbringing was not a total loss?

I have noticed however, now that I have a job I am more motivated to pursue other endeavors outside of work, more commonly referred to as "hobbies" some of these include but are not limited to; Reading, writing, working on music, meditating, fighting, running, parkour and more. I have also noticed an increase in energy, which is quite exciting in my own little mind.

Also right now as I type this out I am watching SCA instructional videos, and other various sword fighting tutorials on account of my being rejuvenated in one of my true loves.

When I moved away from Utah in May, my biggest fear was that I would not find any where to keep up my fighting techniques, but now that I have settled in Texas for what seems like a while, I have done some research into local SCA groups. I am going to be meeting with the group here in San Angelo on Tuesday and am really excited. I am hoping that I will get to fight hard suit for the first time since late June. I will no doubt be posting Tuesday night on how that turns out. In preparation for that I have been re-amping my suit and brushing up my techniques as best I can alone, with any luck I will have the rust knocked off by some strangers.

And lately, in doing all of this I have been getting more in shape physically and mentally, I have been trying to keep up on at least running which until recently I was a bit lax, I have been running and working out on a somewhat regular basis now that I have found a place to do it. On top of that I have not smoked since the first of the month, I have been taking my vitamins regularly. Which might also be helping with the energy boost lately. But the big thing that I am happy for is that I have been successfully meditating every day, and at least attempting to keep my mind in check, and I am hoping to continue this for a long time. To a healthy future.

Breaking off the rust

So it has been a little over a week since my first "Gig" in San Angelo. If I use the word "Gig" really liberally that is. I decided that it would be a good idea to do the Open Mic Night at a bar here. All together I suppose it was not a terrible idea.... in theory. I guess it went ok, but here is a short list of things that I thought went poorly, again, using the word "Short" liberally....
First off, it marked the first time that i went in front off a crowd to preform my own music in almost...well..., 8 months I believe. Which in it self is not to hard of a concept but for the following point;
I hadn't really practiced my own material on a real schedule, or in a fashion by which I could call "Practicing" until about 3 to 4 days previous to said show.
And another thing that spelled catastrophe for this show was that I also thought it would be good to try and learn some new songs the day before preforming them.
I have to take a side point here for a moment if you don't mind. I used to play open mic every week in Utah. The crowd there knew me and was used to my shenanigans if you will. and I had on many occasions learned songs the day before or even the night of a performance there which didn't really ever prove to be to big of a deal. The difference for this most recent show being the following:
This was a new crowd, at a new place. I had no idea how my music would effect them or how it would go over. One thing you should always do for your first show in a new place is to be solid as a rock (God, how I hate that expression!) otherwise it all goes to crap pretty quickly.
And the most important detail, I was the first to go on. If you ever have a choice at an open mic event; NEVER GO FIRST. Even second is better because if the first person is crap you always know you can't do that bad, and if they were great then the crowd will be all warmed up. Cold crowds are NEVER responsive. The problem with this night was that I had no choice when I would play. Because I was in fact the only person preforming. That's right, I was to open it and shut it down in one fell swoop.

Now that I have set up the night I will give a brief lineup of how it went in reality. (and if your expecting this to be an underdog story where I over came the odds and became the hero, being carried off to late parties with scantily clad women throwing themselves at me... SPOILER ALERT!!! not going to happen, although that image is quite entertaining.... *sigh)

Ok so I went into the den with about a 35 minute set. I figured I would judge the crowd and decide if I should draw it out or chop it down. I had an even split of covers (most of which I had just learned) and originals (3 of which I had written the previous night) I started off with a cover "Glycerin" by Bush. The standard cover song of any Joe who has a guitar and intends to use said instrument for the singular purpose of lady-ing. As much as it compares to the commonness of "Stairway to heaven" I do like starting off with a stereotype as a precursor to my own material, it kinda throws people off, and is good gage of the crowd. I didn't do to bad and figured the night would go well enough. I then played one of my own, a newer song that I hadn't locked in. This was the pivotal moment in the show as I forgot the lyrics to my own song..... I'll let that one sink in for a second......... ugh...
So from there it went slowly down hill and I decided to chop the set in half, and to rush the songs that I did know. The whole thing began to play out like I was watching a car cash, the whole time wanting to stop it from happening, but it was like slow motion wreckage and there was nothing to be done that would change a thing. Like a car wreck, but less fun for bystanders. This show marks the only time in my life that I wanted to get off the stage as quickly as possible. I can however take it as a learning experience. I full well plan to do it all over again next chance I get, but I do hope it goes better. Perhaps once I knock off the rust and get comfortable with myself again.

New Location

So in the torrent of life's changes I often get swept along in a direction that seems to make little or no sense, but as it usually happens with a deal of ease I go along for the ride. One such example of this is that I am now typing this blog from San Angelo Texas....... Yes, any one who has known me for an extended bit of my life is either staring slack jawed at that last sentence, or laughing at my misfortune, but do let me explain..
So I left NYC behind my with a slight shrug of sadness because, lets face it, does anyone really like living in NYC? I mean, Anyone? I hoped on the bus headed to Boston to give it a final once over before heading to completely uncharted territory (in my mind at least) I had to have one of those majestic burritos from Anna's before completely turning my back on the whole state. Really, those tasty burritos are the single saving grace of that entire city, any way from Boston I hoped on a plane and began the great relocation.
I have flown a bit in my time and I rather enjoy it to be honest. Kind of exciting zipping through the air that fast and with that much ease. Granted due to my recent addiction to "LOST" I do board plans secretly hoping to crash on a deserted island (fingers crossed) The itinerary for this trip was a pretty simple one; Boston to DC, then on to San Antonio by way of somewhere in Georgia.
The first leg was quite easy, apart from the minor headache I developed from a tooth issue (more on that later perhaps) it went on swimmingly. It was just a short hop, about an hour and a half I believe. And wonderfully the plane to which I was to transfer was going to be in the adjacent gate at the Washington DC airport, which is nice because I do hate running from one end of the airport to the other with merely seconds to spare. Granted I did have almost a full hour until my next flight but that is besides the point. So I wait and then board onto my final plane, not my final flight mind you just the last plane. I will say, as we were taking off from the airport in DC I got a wonderful view of The Pentagon and I couldn't help my self from thinking "The damage doesn't look as bad from out side"
So the plan was for the plane to go to Georgia, all the passengers would get off and new ones would re-board and then it would continue to San Antonio. I was one of the lucky 5 or six that got both legs of the plane's trip. They did give me the option to stay on the plan at the changeover, but i had to find some pain pills as my head was literally throbbing from my tooth ache. fortunately they had some extra strength Tylenol at one of those "Book Stores" ugh, I hate what passes for "books" these days. Although I will say that for some reason I always am drawn into those little shops for some reason or another. anywho
With a higher concentration of acetaminophen in my blood i re-boarded the plane for a final time and swiftly fell asleep to the random tunings of my "ZEN." I love that thing. I awoke as we were apparently descending into my destination. I also love when you sleep away a 3 plus hour flight. Especially since my favorite part of flying is the bit where you slowly stop flying. I like watching the ground come up to meet me. Even more so is I'm flying into a place I have never been before. Unfortunately there was some amazing cloud cover and I could not make out a single thing from my window. Even the clouds themselves were seamless and indiscernible from each other. It really was more like fog white out. But the captain assured us that we were making our final decent which usually means 45 minutes to half an hour and your on the tarmac. I was a bit saddened by this. I would miss my favorite part.
A few time i was convinced that we had actually touched down as the plane preformed maneuvers similar to "right before landing" But then as I had given up hope of seeing anything, the clouds broke. I caught a glimpse of green. Green?! Good, the rumours were wrong. Then we shot back into the clouds for a bit as if the pilot changed his mind. This repeated a few times before finally brushing the white off completely and coming in for real. We were already quite close to the ground so I missed out on my favorite plane game "Squish all of humanity with your fingers!" and much to my distress, the young boy behind me kept kicking my seat and matter-of-factly informing his parents that "we are definitely crashing." We did not in fact crash though. At least not in the flaming wreckage and death way. We did "Land" quite hard and at a rate that would have killed most naked living things but that becomes a semantic debate that I'm not about to get into.
The moral of this story being that I am now living in Texas. And the outlook is not as bleak as you might expect. The rumours are in fact not true, desolation is not the only thing that is "Big" in Texas, and Tylenol Extra Strength Quick Dissolving Gel Caps are not filled with gel, and the do not work in the slightest.

Workout - Work-out

Well I achieved my goal yesterday, i was able to get up early enough to go running. Those shoes are pretty spectacular, sure beats running in skater shoes. I found a really good place to practice some parkour. At least balance and concentration. Basically i just climbed around on stuff like a monkey for about an hour. it was pretty fun. So after that i ran back home, it's about a half hour run from my house to where i was at. I got back home and stretched out, i realized that the after-run -stretch is one of the most relaxing thing. After this I learned some parts on the piano, and got dropped from the band i have been playing with for the past 5 months or so. So i spent the rest of the day trying to figure out where i stand in the other aspects of my life. And trying to figure out what i'm going to do with myself. Looks like i'm headed to Texas, but i think i will be going by Utah to see my parents and some friends befor i head off to another question mark in my life. I fear it is that time in my life where i have to "put away childish things" a.k.a Dreams.

New routine

Lately i have been going to bed around 6 am, and waking up between 1-3 pm. I have no good excuse for this. It isn't like I'm out at parties or running loose in the street. Usually i am just sitting alone in my room watching random Internet videos. As funny as YouTube can be, i feel i need to change a few things in my life. Starting by getting a sleep schedule that gives me a bit more day-time hours to work with.
Today when I got up I decided to walk uptown into Brooklyn to do a little shopping. I got some pens for writing, some superglue for a soundproofing project that i have been working on (only to find out later that you cant glue Styrofoam to itself with super glue, don't try it!) but the main thing i got were some new running shoes. I went looking for some specific shoes, i was looking for these:

the K-Swiss "Ariake" about 100.00 the reason i wanted these shoes is that they are made specially for Parkour running. For more on that click this link: CLICK HERE Basically i am wanting to start working out again, and this stuff is fun. Any way i walked into a shoe store that was supposed to carry k-Swiss, but they didn't have any in stock. i decided that since i had walked about a mile and a half to get there i might as well see what they had in stock. after looking for a while i found a good pair that were flexible, with good traction, lightweight, and snug. The problem being that they only had one colour in my size, so i walked home with these shoes for 99.99After trying them on in the store i knew they would work out well. I then walked home thinking the whole way that i would just re-paint them when i got there. when i got home i opened them to do just that. Usually i have this habit of buying things, then as soon as i get home with my new purchase i find all the stuff i hate about it and wish i hadn't gotten it in the first place. But as i pulled out my new sneakers from the box, for the first time in my life i realized that i quite liked what i bought. I put them on again and went up on our roof to work out with them. I now sit panting and sweaty to do this blog just to say that sometimes, if a store does not have what you want, they might have what you need. So don't give up.
I plan to go to bed early tonight and get up early tomorrow and start running and training on a regular basis, we'll see how that goes though.

Bird signs

For a reasonable time of my life (7 Years) I lived in a unique place called Cedar City UT.
Notable for many reasons, 2 of which I am about to dive into. The first being that is a pleasant mixture of culture and arts and has a relatively good mix of personalities (despite the local opinion) The second being not as pleasant, but certainly worth mention, is the fact that it is always windy there. The common joke amongst the natives is that the town on one end sucks, and the town on the other side of the city blows. the real reason being that the city is in a valley between two mountain ranges that form a natural wind tunnel with the Cedar City being right in the center. The lasting result is constant wind ranging from a heavy breeze to gusts that steal your belongings from your house and throw them into your neighbors yard. Sometimes you step outside afraid that the wind will carry you away. Any way, it was on one of those really windy days that i witnessed one of the most interesting things in my life thus far at least, i guess 23 years isn't really that long.
I was sitting on the balcony of my apartment smoking a cigarette. It is amazing the weather one will endure to smoke a cigarette. If we could apply that resolve to other facets of life, just imagine the things that could get done. Anyway, as i was nearing the final drag i noticed a bird take off from a nearby tree and attempt to fly straight in to the wind. The resulting effect was a bird in suspended animation, apart from the furiously beating wings. It hung there like an awkward statement that you make at a respectable dinner party. After about a full minute or so of this i noticed another bird coming in the opposite direction. gliding on the current with the wind direction, gracefully swooping and gliding casually.
I then noticed with a great deal of comic relief for my view of the struggling bird, that the larger bird veered it's course and whizzed right by the stagnant one, doing buzz by that would make the USAF blush, as if to say "This is much easier, Idiot!"
The other bird continued to struggle but fell back a few feet as if to say "This usually works, i have done it hundreds of times, any second no I'll move forward... Maybe?" After a few more seconds though, the bird gave up and changed direction and abruptly shot back into his original tree to rethink his life. The whole ordeal was quite fascinating and made me think about human behavior.

New Direction for my blogs

     So this is meant to be a random assortment of my thoughts from day to day as I see and interpret the world around me, or at least my perceived surroundings.  Hopefully I can shed light on things with a child like observance comparative to the razor best wielded by Ockham. I heard it said that as a child the world makes sense. I disagree. I think to a child the things that adults do make anything but sense, and as we grow older we become accustom to the bazaar and unnatural (if I dare use such a phrase) until they become common place.  I wish we could teach children to write at birth, they would probably be able to point out the most obvious ways to make the world not suck.

   I have personally tried to put off the "getting comfortable with what i know is wrong or not working" feeling, but i realize that i have not been very successful.  The following will hopefully shape into a collective of things that show a remembrance of a time when I too had the childish awareness and ability to see why things don't make sense.

  And now for a short list of my hopes:

   I hope that I might do something of note that may bring at least one person's eye to these pages.  Also I hope that if for some reason this is ever to be read aloud in public or an audio book or something of that nature, it will be done by someone who is British.  Anything even mildly satirical seems to loose its power and effect if not heard in a proper British dialect.  At least if nothing else, years from now as senility creeps in, I can read back on this and think "hmmm, this guy is kind of clever.  But he does drag on and on."

Whats New?

Ok so I'm just going to jump on in. It is 4:50 pm on a Thursday. I just got home from work. I'm covered in grease, oil, and other substances with unknown origins. Working in a copper extruding factory shows me the real difference between "Dirt" and "Filth." The latter is the worst. Honestly, the grime under my nails will not come out! Any way,
I'm sitting here in the cold with a few things on my mind:
First: I am wondering how much longer i am going to be here (Utah). The reasoning behind this is as follows. In the world of entertainment it's all about who you know. And i know this guy.:
Brian Penny is the Guy who basically showed me what it is to really play the guitar. And also he demonstrated what REAL music is. a few years ago he moved to Boston to be co-producer and guitarist for the band"Bone Gunn"
( http://www.myspace.com/bonegunn )

Well a few weeks ago Penny calls me up and says "Hey, man. You still playing guitar?"
To which i responded "Yeah"
"Well our other guitar player is dropping out so.... you want to join a rock band?"
that was a gross simplification but that was the point of it.
so they flew me out there for an audition the first week of January. I met all the guys. They were all chill, like-minded people. Then i came home. the plan now is to keep practicing here and wait till they can afford to move me out there permanent. But it looks like there is more of a chance of me being the "samples guy" for now, which means I'll do all the noise that you can't make with guitars, drums, or vocals. And also i will be a stand in guitar/bass player as needed. With any luck I'll be in Europe on their next tour (which should be around May or June i believe) Doing something like this:
So that is super exciting, except the waiting part, that blows.